Random Thoughts

hello blog. hello everyone, yes i am BACK again. for this time anywae..

Am back in Melb now for the easter hols, & can't believe i am going for easter camp again. yes, my OFFICIALLY last one. no more. that's it. sigh. sitting alone in su's rm in a 'foreign' house is making things all too nostalgic.

as i flew into melb yesterday, & in the cab on the way to Su's, nostalgia set in. & it hasn't left, rather, it has kinda settled in my heart permanently & its increasing steadily. heart feels really heavy now.. so many people have moved on, things have changed. the city has changed, the atmosphere is different. the same people are different too, some subtly, some obviously, some are just.. different. sigh.

i miss my friends, i miss how things were. i don't think i treasured them enough & time just flies too quickly. i want to pause in time to grasp hold of it & just.. be still.. but of course that's not possible. what happened to my four years here. did i spend them fruitfully? did i spend them w.o thought? i tink quite alot of times i went thru life here aimlessly & without goals. the four yrs kinda just drifted past, if u noe wat i mean. i'm so sad that i've lost precious time.

i still prefer melb. been in sydney 4 mths + & still i can't get used to it. it doesn't feel as homely as how melb used to be. i know i settled into life here far easier then in sydney now. its just too messy, too packed with pple, too disorganised, & a tad too harsh for me. but yet i know that i am there for a reason. cuz i won't have gotten into dentistry if it won't for God's provision & will. still, i am a Doubting Thomas. i am still drifting along these days, attempting to settle everything in my life: getting used to housemates, getting used to caucasian friends, getting used to waking up at 6.30am everyday, getting used to the demanding coursework, getting used to... a thousand things at once! i'm truly overwhelmed. & i have questioned my heart many times whether i really want to do dentistry & be a dentist. i really dunno if i can last out the four years. & i worry so so much about the finances. everything is such a great strain on my parents. can we truly afford this? of course, parents just say not to worry & that they have everything under control. but i am so so scared. i don't want to be anymore of a burden than i oredi am. dad is no longer young, he will be 60 when i finally graduate from this course. & him having to go for an angiogram & finding that he has 2 blocked arteries, that was so so so scary. it has really hit so close to my heart that we're all growing old so quickly.

i wish i was still studying in melb.