a reflective mood

spent the evening clearing my hse of the mess, & packing my luggage for the short trip to Spore this coming wkend.. as much as i am looking forward to going back.. i'm really worried abt what i'm leaving behind.. there's just too much work, too little time, too many distractions.. sigh. i seriously NEED to push myself harder..

someone recently told me that she feels i'm more of a big sister den a fren to her.. & it makes her feel that sometimes she can't tell me things, cuz of the way i will respond, eg. that i am naggy & direct, vs more subtle & encouraging perhaps if i were more of a fren den a sister..

does this mean i am naggy like an auntie?!? & too harsh with my words towards her? suddenly i really feel so much older then my 20 years. will my children feel that i'm to longwinded & hard to live with when they come of age? hmm perhaps yes, alot of times i must admit that my conversations with her encompasses alot of advice & suggestions, instead of just supporting her, if that was what she wanted to hear from me in the first place. & i know alot of times i treat her like the younger sister that i never had.. her character & behaviour makes me feel like i have to teach & direct her in as many things as i know. how ironic, me being the youngest in my family, having to 'mummy' or 'big sis' a fren who's the 2nd oldest child in her family.

but as her fren we have been thru much together.. & even if we do go our separate ways next yr, i will still wish her well & pray for God to direct & bless her paths, esp now when she's not sure where her future lies.. but for now, i shall just endeavour not to order her around too much esp when asking her to do things for cell, not try to 'mummy' or 'big sis' her, not try to push or enforce any of my own ideas & thoughts on her..

to you whom i'm talking abt; i'm really sorry if u've felt that i've 'nagged' too much, or that i've been too much of a 'oldie' instead of just being a fren at an equal level to yourself. know that i mean well & wish you well.

why have i become so melancholic lately?