current state of mind: *confused*

woke up this morning with a whole head-full of things.. dint get much sleep last nite.. couldn't slp thou i was so darn tired.. sigh. was supposed to stay over last nite at SML's but decided to come home.. for reasons that shan't be dwelled upon.. suffice to say i just felt so 'useless?' dunno if that's the right word to describe the feeling thou..

last nite i got to homecell feeling really tired & abit upset abt smtg, but in front of everyone i had to 'conceal' my mood.. dint want to spoil the already happy atmosphere.. I just feel like i've been getting really easily irritated with pple around me. is it just me? or them? y isit that sometimes when i say the Right thing no one wants to listen, or follow, despite the fact that i'm supposed to be the team leader? =/ am i just the kinda person who can't command respect among my peers? pple just tend to walk all over me.. its ok if it happens once or twice, but all the time is just too much for me to bear. doesn't help that i feel like i need to keep my anger & frustration inside me, since its 'unchristian-like' to get angry with other fellow christians. sometimes i feel like i'm gonna explode & the only person that i can really explode to is God.. sigh.